Life…

So I’ve deicded to blog some more I don’t know why… Just feel like I have a lot on my mind and this will help so to anyone listening thank you!

I wrote about this girl I like a couple of days ago and like everything else in my life I fucked up, slowly pushing her away. I don’t know why I do I don’t mean to but it happens with everyone. Distance got in way of us going out but even us being friends is going wrong at the moment.

It makes me think if I will ever find someone who likes me for who I am, the nerdy, guy that stays inside all day gaming. Will I ever not be able to push someone out of my life? I seem to be able to do that quiet easily. All of this the day before my driving test! 

Although this is the third time I have taken my driving test, I just wanna pass it get my independant but I always fuck up. The stupid things that stop me passing, stop me becoming independant. If I don’t pass I may aswell give up on trying to pass it. I don’t think I will able to while I overthink all of these things in my head is so hard to concentrate.

Overthinking is a bitch and I sympathise with anyone who is experiencing it. Just push through it and concentrate on getting through and carrying on with your life. Anyone who is reading this thank you really appreciate it.

Peace out✌🏼️

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There’s this girl…

To anyone that actually reads my blog I wanna say thank you for taking the time to and I wanna say sorry for not posting anything, but I can’t think of anything to write about plus I’ve been busy the last few months!! 

Anyway there is this girl that I met on Instagram and I have been talking on Snapchat a lot. We have both had bad experiences but I think I have helped her to get it sorted out!! I total understand why she did but I, so glad that I made her stop what she was doing!!

We have got to know each other so much that whenever we have time we talk and she is like my bestfriend even tho we have never met, never spoke and we live in the other side of the country to each other!! We have only speaking for a matter of months but it feels like I have know her my whole life, she understands me and I understand her!! 

Well what I’m trying to say is I love her as more than friends I know we will never be together coz of the distance and other things but I can’t stop the way I feel! But then I thought should distance matter and to me it doesn’t as long as it worked and we felt the same then distance shouldn’t matter coz she is perfect!! 

Everytime she messages me my heart races and a smile appears on my face! We have a laugh, we talk almost all the time and I really enjoy it!! She doesn’t think this about herself but this is what I think of her, she smart, pretty, funny, caring, loving and just amazing!! I love you!!

Most people will say this is stupid and soppy and all that but to be honest I don’t care coz you can judge me all you want coz I’m used to it!! This is how I fell and no one can tell me what to do with my feelings!!

Anyway peace out!! 

“Mr. Invisible”…. That’s me

Having time to think kills me if I’m doing things I don’t think and it means that I forget about everything. But with barely sleeping for 3 days it means that I have had time to think.

I’ve realised that I’m just invisible…. People don’t wanna talk to me they don’t even like talking to me. People talk to me on social media the only reason being I talk to them first. As soon as it gets awkward I return to the nobody I once was. No one talks to me first, making my theories about people true…. They hate me!! If the conversation doesn’t get awkward then they come up with some lame excuse that is clearly a lie to stop me talking to them. Even the people closest to you do this…. The ones that said they were there for you.

Although I talk to people when I’m gaming that is still not for the reason I want them to talk to me. They talk to me for someone to game with or they think I’m actually okay at the game. And not because of who I am or my personality.

Then there comes to talking to people in real life. They talk to me when they want to and not when I want to. If they have a problem I listen, if I have a problem they ignore. Most of the time people don’t even talk to me I’m just there as they talk to someone else.

Even best friends, good friends and friends in general can make you feel like this. All I want is that just once someone would actually want to talk to me. Without me talking to them first, them choosing to talk to me. And not because they have to but because they want to.

This makes me “Mr. Invisible” the guy no one talks to. The guy that if I died wouldn’t care about, wouldn’t notice is gone, the guy that is a no one. People say to me your just being stupid even my parents, but that’s how I fell, that’s how people make me feel.

The Life After Her

I know nobody really reads or follows my blog and if there is anyone that does then I appreciate it. To be honest I don’t care if nobody does I use this blog to get things off my chest, like a diary really.

Recently, only a couple of weeks ago, I got dumped by my girlfriend, for the second time after given her a chance. Now this as happened she has carried in as normal and I have been left heartbroken like before. People may think I’m soppy or even stupid for saying this but I thought she was the one, but sadly she wasn’t.

I now still see her everyday, because we get the same bus to and from college. She’s there laughing and smiling away with her friends, while I’m stood at the front of the bus, alone and sad, trying to keep the tears back. However, if I ever do talk to anyone I put on a fake smile and act like everything is fine, when I know it isn’t.

Since I have been single (which hasn’t been that long so I know I shouldn’t really be over her yet) I am still not over her, but feel like I should be moving on. However, I just can’t, every time I see her I expect her to come over and just kiss me, like this has just been a terrible nightmare, but inside I know it won’t happen.

Everyday I ask myself: Will I ever be over her? Will my heart ever be fixed? Will I ever have a girlfriend again? I’m that type of guy that looks at the negative side of life and my answers to the questions are: No! No! And No! Maybe the reason I think that is because I haven’t opened up to anyone about what happened and haven’t told anyone the reason for her dumping me. But I don’t know and only I will know.

On the up side there has been a good thing to come out of this experience. That one thing is that I have managed to get a part of my best friend back. By that I mean a week or so before I got back with my ex, my best mate (who has been for 15 odd years) got himself a girlfriend. And don’t get me wrong I was really happy for him and I do like her. But it made me feel like I would loose him because of him getting with his girlfriend.

However, since I got dumped he has been there for me and I knew that I could talk to him about it if I needed to. Although, I haven’t filled opened up to him I know that he is always there for me no matter what, even if he does have a girlfriend. To be honest he isn’t my best mate he is more like my brother the brother I always wanted. I know he probably won’t see this but I can’t thank him enough for what he has done and eventually I will repay him. I love you mate and I will always be here for you through everything, you will never loose me.

I also need to thank his girlfriend because she has also been there for me. She’s put up with some of my shit and allowed me to third wheel with them (not that that is much fun). I knew that when she put up with my shit she was a keeper for him. So thank you Jucy!

I just now hope that I can get over the girl I used to love with all my heart and move on. It will be hard but eventually I will do it with the support of my friends and family.

Peace out

P.S. If you want my advice: There will be people you may love they will come and go but the people that remain constant are the ones to keep close to you.

I’m Back!!!

So it has been ages since I have posted a blog on here but I thought today would be a good day to do it. A lot has happened since my last post about my first day back after my exam leave.

On my last post I had muster started back at Sixth Form after my exams thinking I had done well or the best I could. Then later that year while on a family holiday to Greece the dreaded day of the results day came. That day was the worst day of my holidays, finding out that I had a U, U, E and a C. That was not good at all and to be honest not what I was expecting. But I’ve forgotten about that day now and have moved on.

As of that day I had to try and find a new college to go to and luckily for me there was a place for me on an ideal course for me. It was an ICT and Computing course in a college just across the road. I have know been on that course for 5 weeks and I’m loving it and made some new friends that I didn’t make in Sixth Form for reasons I’m not going to go in.

Another thing that has happen which I think is the biggest thing has happened was that I lost my girlfriend that I had been going out with for almost a year and two months. I know she will be reading this probably but she already knows all the stuff I will be saying. The day she dumped me was the worst day in my life and almost killed me. From that day for 5 days I didn’t eat, drink or sleep coz of how much I was hurting inside. At one point I was even thinking about committing suicide coz of how much it hurt and I was hurting inside.

However, as of last Monday we started going back out and that day was the joint best day of my life coz when we weren’t going out for those two months I still loved her with all my heart and hoped she did to. Luckily for me she came through and asked to go back out with her on Monday 22nd September 2014. Since then I have loved every minute, this time it feels better coz we go to different colleges we can have time to ourselves and meet up if we want to and that helps me a lot being able to spend time with my friends.

The final thing that has happened since my last blog is hue relationship I have with my mum when I got dumped we grew so close like never before but then we grew apart again coz of the way I acted, which was my fault and I regret it. We had argument after argument after argument, one was so bad that I ran off for 3 hours not telling anyone where I was so I could have time alone to think about what I had done. Yet again I felt like committing suicide coz of how I ruined family life and that made my family feel so shit and I know it was all my fault. Luckily for me it’s all been sorted and everything is back to how it used to be and we have returned to the tight family unit we have.

I’m so glad I have the people I do in my life and I would never change anything for the world. I have the most amazing family and the one most important thing a girlfriend that is mine who loves me for who I am and not who I’m trying to be.

So Thank you to everyone in my life.
Peace out

First Day Back at College!!

So today was our first day back at college after half term. Now before I start how I felt about college today I would like to say I love college and find it so much better than high school, for so many reasons.

Well, anyway today I had just a normal day and was thinking about usual things a teenager thinks about (not girls though). But this was a usual college day until it came to 3rd lesson, the worst lesson……. PROGRESSION STUDIES!!! At the moment I am on a 5 week careers course that wasn’t too bad up until today, this is the first day I have actually hated it.

Today a lady from Birmingham Uni came in to talk to us, not about Birmingham Uni but Uni in general. This is where I now start to doubt myself about my future life, Uni, grades, job, things like that. Questions and doubts were circling my mind all of this lesson. Questions kept popping into my head that made me doubt myself even more.

Would I get the right grades? What course? What Uni? Would I make friends? Would it be what I wanted? Would I get a job with the degree I got or not? Would I actually get ANY degree at all? All these questions circled my head round and round they went. But they wouldn’t leave my mind and still haven’t left my mind, I am still doubting myself.

I just wish I wouldn’t have gone to that lesson then this wouldn’t be happening right now. I can’t even begin to imagine how long this will go on. I don’t know if I will be able to motivate myself again for college or Uni if I actually get to Uni??

Thanks for listening to me if anyone is actually reading this.

Goodnight for now

Nothing to say about!!

I have had yet another boring day in my boring life in a boring half term as a break from boring college…..

I only have a few things to say……. I would like to congratulate the men’s GB curling team on their silver medal. I would also like to congratulate the whole of the GB team for the best winter Olympic medals won in something like 50 years.

I did have something else to say but I can’t remember what that something was since writing the first paragraph…. But I can’t remember so I will just forget about it.

The only other thing I have to say is to thank all my viewers and followers of my blog, and I have almost reached 70 views in about 6 days. I will be putting up a post tomorrow about my first day at work having a blog and if I have learnt anything or not.

Bye for now

Emotional times

So I didn’t think that I would be writing another blog tonight but I just read the most upsetting and sad blog/article and it made me realise something…

It was about this guy who has a brain tumour who very soon is going to die due to the expanding tumour in his brain. This guy has a wife and a 5 year old daughter. This is where the story twists. His 5 year old daughter has had cancer twice already and if she gets it again she will to go to America to have treatment. But there is a lot of money involved and her dad has raised half the money for it. He has also wrote a letter to his daughter and that letter made me cry and realise that one important thing in life…..

Me reading this made me think how lucky I am and how everyone who hasn’t gone through what they have is also lucky. We are lucky coz most people have everything they need. We all have running water and food unlike people in developing countries. We are also lucky coz of most of us having a family unlike the poor girl and wife who are loosing an amazing dad and husband.

So I’m glad that I have all the things I need and desire I have great family and never want to loose one of them. Even though sometimes I say that I want one of them to just go away or sometimes even die, I NEVER mean it, I wouldn’t even want my sister to die even though she is rather annoying and a pain in the ass I still love her and always will.

If anyone agrees with me on this or wants to know the blog I read then like or comment on this post and I will send u the link!!!

………

Hi again all

Had a really boring day so can’t think of anything to write about. However, there are one or two things I would like to say in this post….

I would like to congratulate the GB women’s curling team for there bronze medal they got today. You did the whole of Great Britain proud. I would also like to wish the men’s curling the team the best of luck in their match tomorrow against Canada. The only reason I am saying this for curling and not any other events is coz I have watched the curling all the way through and it is a great watch.

I would also like to ask anyone who reads this to post a comment of what I should write about on my blog ??? If I should make my blog a theme??? Or any other suggestions at all???

Cheers
Adios

Family…….

So today my dad has been in hospital and is still in hospital and he has to have an operation on his knee and I know it’s not that major. You may now be thinking why is he writing this post if it isn’t a major operation?? Well the answer will be in the next paragraph…….

My dad means the world to me although I don’t tell him coz then he will take the piss out of me. So I just keep the love that I have for my dad to myself. I worry about my dad a lot and especially when he is away (which is quiet regularly). Although my dad and I have a lot of arguments but when we aren’t arguing we are having a great laugh. My dad and I look the same and have exactly the same interests and hobbies. So basically we are like twins but my dad is much older and he is starting to go bald and I’m not.

What I’m trying to say is that your the best dad I could want and I hope you recover quickly and get back on your feet. Not just coz I can’t bare you to be on crutches for too long (I know how it feels) but also I don’t want have to do what you do every morning for very long. I hope you know I love you and wish you the best of luck.

Some advice for everyone reading make sure you let your parents and the people you love know that you love them coz you might not gat another opportunity.

I hope people are reading and agree with me and I want to thank all the people who view my blog.

Bye for now